A little humor to keep you smiling....

10. It doesn't bother me at all that my college roommate is making $80,000 a year on Wall Street.

9.   I'd be delighted to proofread your book/chapter/article.

8.   My work has a lot of practical importance.

7.   I would never date an undergraduate.

6.   Your latest article was so inspiring.

5.   I turned down a lot of great job offers to come here.

4.   I just have one more book to read and then I'll start writing.

3.   The department is giving me so much support.

2.   My job prospects look really good.

1.   No really, I'll be out of here in only two more years.

5.   I'm not going to grant any extensions.

4.   Call me any time. I'm always available.

3.   It doesn't matter what I think; write what you believe.

2.   Think of the midterm as a diagnostic tool.

1.   My other section is much better prepared than you guys.

. . . you regard ibuprofen as a vitamin;

. . . your office is better decorated than your apartment;

. . . you have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar;

. . . you rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop;

. . . you have ever discussed academic matters at a bar;

. . . you can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library;

. . . you look forward to summers because you're more productive without the distraction of classes;

. . . you find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text;

. . . you have given up trying to keep your books organized and are now just trying to keep them
       all in the same general area;

. . . you look forward to taking some time off to do laundry.